A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
