Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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