Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
