is your mom at the bar?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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