im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
