So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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