1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
