I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
