wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
