I just threw up on my dentist
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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