we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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