come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
