i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
