He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
