Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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