i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
