my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
