he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
