Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
