remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
