This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
