he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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