why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
