girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize