And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
