So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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