so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
