what day is it and did you see me today?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
