Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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