you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
