At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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