Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
