You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
