is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
