The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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