I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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