my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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