My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
