I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
