He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This baby is an asshole
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
