More tranny stories later!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is the high leading the old right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
