Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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