College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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