9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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