I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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