I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
