My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
