When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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