I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
