just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
