She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pants are for mortals
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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