you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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