My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
