i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
