all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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