thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
