So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
