and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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