Apparently you make a good broom.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
