so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
