and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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