I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
