My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
