I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
