That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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