i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
