Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
