He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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