don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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