I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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