did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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